2024 Reflections: Turning 30 and Defining My Own Lane
Rewriting What Success Means to Me
Last weekend, I drove two hours south from San Francisco to Carmel-by-the-Sea to recharge. The drive along the Pacific Coast Highway is something I’ve always loved — smooth highways, stunning ocean views, and the feeling of endless possibilities.
This time, it was more than just a drive. Something clicked: driving, much like life, is about being in the right lane, at the right pace, for myself.
The Unspoken Pressure to Keep Up
At one point, I found myself in the leftmost, fastest lane, where everyone was going 80 mph or more. I didn’t have to drive that fast — especially since the speed limit was 65 mph,but staying in that lane made me feel like I had to. It wasn’t just about preference; it was also about safety. For context, I haven’t driven a car for over a year at this point, so the pressure felt a little more real this time — real but unspoken.
Isn’t life like that sometimes? When we’re surrounded by people racing toward something — career milestones, financial success, personal achievements — it’s easy to feel like we should be racing too. Slowing down feels wrong, like we might fall behind or fail. Before we know it, we’re living in survival mode instead of moving with intention.
I remember feeling this way during my near-four-year stint at Tesla, developing an early feature of the Full Self-Driving software. The pace was unlike anything I experienced in years prior. Before the Autopilot days, my former coworkers used to say I was intense. Well, that was until I joined this team and saw everyone operating at ludicrous speed, working 24/7 like machines.
The Importance of Choosing the Right Lane
I know I’m not alone in this journey. I did enjoy my work and love working with brilliant and supportive colleagues, but I’ve also learned the hard way that constantly feeling behind isn’t sustainable or healthy.
During my drive, I eventually moved one lane to the right, and I noticed the change instantly. I felt a sense of ease and peace in my body. It felt right. It wasn’t too slow where I’d feel stuck, and it wasn’t overwhelmingly fast either. I was still making progress, still moving forward — but at a pace that felt right for me.
And maybe life is like that. It’s not about driving the fastest or keeping up with everyone else — it’s about finding the lane where you feel at ease, where you can breathe, and where the journey itself is just as meaningful as the destination.
And maybe for you, that “right lane” isn’t just about speed — it could be the city you live in, the culture of your workplace, or the people you surround yourself with.
The Pressure to “Have It All” Before 30
I turned 30 last month, and for the first time, I don’t feel the need to chase so much.
At 29, the pressure somehow felt suffocating. No matter what I achieved — climbing the corporate ladder, traveling to 30 countries, having a committed relationship, and buying a house in San Francisco — I still felt behind. Like I needed to move faster. I couldn’t feel enough even if I tried, which made me super unhappy.
Somewhere along the way, I had internalized this belief that I had to prove myself by 30. That I needed to hit certain milestones — career success, financial stability, relationships, personal growth — as if failing to check every box meant I was falling behind in life.
The truth is, no one is keeping score but me. And now, I see that pressure for what it is: unnecessary and exhausting.
So Really, What’s the Rush?
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”
— Lao Tzu
If life is a long drive, does it really matter if I arrive 10 minutes later, but actually enjoy the ride?
I think back to all the times I forced myself to be in the fastest lane, or lanes that weren’t mine to begin with. When I chased goals that weren’t truly aligned with my core values — which I happened to learn later in my 20s — I felt discontent.
Slowing down doesn’t mean I’m failing.
It isn’t a sign of being lost or behind. It’s simply a means to live more, to embrace the journey by being present, and to trust that I’ll get where I need to be, at my own speed.
Remember, everyone’s speed is different, and that’s okay.
Success Is Yours to Define
My 20s were about learning the fastest lane isn’t always the best lane — what matters is the one that works for you. Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about how fast you get somewhere. It’s about whether you’re moving toward something that actually feels right — on your own terms.
So maybe turning 30 isn’t about having it all figured out.
Maybe it’s about realizing that you don’t have to.
Maybe it’s about knowing that you are moving forward — just in a way that actually makes sense for you.
And that’s more than enough.
